Wine about it

It's funny how some things never change, but at the same time, every thing changes. When I was in college, I would sit down at this same computer every night, sometimes with a box of Franzia at my side, and vent about the things that I could not change. I'd rant about some boy that swept me off my feet to only throw me under a bus a few weeks later. I'd write about my confusion of what a true friend was or wasn't. I'd talk about pointless stuff, that only a 20 something could relate to. Not only did people read it, they loved it. I never understood why, until I realized, it was because everything I wrote was nothing but honest.

Years later, I sit here, at the same computer, drinking a glass of Pinot Noir for dinner. It was either that or animal crackers. Since I travel for work now, it's pointless to stock up on food when I am only home a day then leave for five. Not that I need to explain myself or anything...but I don't always have wine for dinner, put those judging eyes away.

Isn't it funny how we look at our futures and expect so much? Really, why would we do that to ourselves? I know, our whole lives, people tell us to shoot for the stars, to not settle for anything less than butterflies, to not stop until your famous, blah blah blah. I have always had high expectations for my future, but then I started thinking.

What if I tossed aside my "to do list before I'm 30." What if I stopped looking at all of my friends who are getting married and or engaged and stopped secretly obsessing over how they found a guy to settle down with. Not only to settle down with, but to love and to cherish until death do them part. What if I stopped looking at the board in the gym and beating myself up over not hitting a new PR the past couple of months. What if I set aside all of the rules, all of the expectations, all of the questions about my own life and just lived every day, with no expectations but to live through another day happily.

I think that we are all way too hard on ourselves. I know I am. Hell, 25 years young, and I freak out when people ask me when I am going to get married. I usually answer with a laugh and some smart ass comment like, uh don't you have to date someone before that happens? But I have realized that this only makes the older, more wiser, person in the conversation awkward, and they stare at me like I am some inhumane beast. 

Everything has changed, but some things have stayed the same. We have all became more independent,  are more visually stimulated (thanks social media,) and if something isn't working as well as we thought it would, we start shopping for the next best thing. Relationships are as disposable as the razors we use, and some people would rather sit around and let things happen to them, than making them happen themselves. Aside from all of that though, we all have remained having faith. Whether it's you venting to a family member after a long day of work and saying that you know that tomorrow will get better. Maybe it was you talking to a friend over dinner/drinks and after congratulating them on their engagement you slide in, "when I get engaged you will be the first to know." Or maybe, it's you lying in bed next to your significant other... another day has passed with kids, soccer practice, dance rehearsal and report cards and you whisper, "I know we have a vacation coming soon."

Have faith. At the end of the day, it's the only thing that we do have. Throw away the time lines and remind yourself that things will pan out as they should. You'll get your vacation, a promotion, or hell, maybe even that diamond ring one day.

Every thing changes, but faith is indefinite.