Isn't it funny how everyone has their own opinion on how you should and shouldn't live your life? To be honest, I have no idea what the hell I am doing most days, but does anyone? I am a roll with the punches, go with the flow, what is the worst that can happen, kind of girl. I believe that the Universe puts certain people and opportunities into your life and you, and only you, have the choice of what your destiny is going to look like. If you start to listen to all of the voices around you, then your destiny quickly becomes everyone else's destiny.
This weekend I got really silent. On Friday night, I shut off the news, turned my phone on silent, put the dogs outside, and waited. At first, my mind was going a million miles per minute. There was SO much noise. It had been a while since I took some time for some self healing. Lately, I have been beaten down and really confused. I lost sight of what I really wanted because I was listening to what everyone else wanted me to do. I was being pulled in a million different directions, trying to please every 'Tom, Dick and Harry' who had an opinion. Not saying that their opinions on how my life should be lived were wrong, but at the end of the day, something was missing.
So as I sat in this semi-lit, quiet room, I began to wonder what my perfect life would be like. Despite popular belief, you can have a job that you love. A faithful relationship does exist. Unselfish, supportive friendships are necessary. Maybe having 5 Labradors is a bit excessive but it doesn't mean that it wouldn't make me any less stoked. In my vision I didn't see a white picket fence, hell, I didn't even see babies. (Of course I want babies when the time is right, just not right now.) In my almost perfect life, I would have a job that I was excited to wake up and go to every day, one that I absolutely kicked ass at. I would have a loving, supportive, man who undeniably loves every bit of my emotional, dramatic, overthinking self. I saw Layla being the healthiest dog ever living a life full of trail running, exploring new places and boat rides. I saw myself, with a healthy mind, a healthy body, and a smile that never left my face. Finally, I smelt it. After sitting silently for ten minutes, I smelt the ocean, I remembered how it felt so be standing alone on the beach at 5:30 in the morning and being reminded every day how small I was in comparison to such a big world of opportunity. I remembered how lucky I felt to be able to experience something every day, that some people never experience in their life...because everyone around them tell them that it isn't possible.
Your life is made up of the decisions that you make every single day. Some of those decisions turn into lessons learned, as others turn into monumental moments that lead you to that next big thing. I'm not saying that I don't want the white wedding, beautiful babies, and the white picket fence one day, but the American Dream doesn't have to happen as quick as every one thinks.
Last week I was presented with the opportunity to get my job back at Arrowmac in California. On Friday I quit my job in Kentucky and accepted the position. If you know me well enough, before accepting, I made 5 different pro/con lists and tried to think of answers to dreaded questions before they were asked. The cons that I came up with were 1. Money and 2. Family.The pro's list was longer than the paper. Telling my loved ones and hearing their feedback was like hearing that I made the worst decision that I would ever make in my life. I was almost convinced to stay in the job that I didn't love, work the 9-5, and stick it out. I was almost convinced that I didn't have enough money to make a move like that again. I was almost convinced that I wasn't thinking and that I was borderline insane.
All of those things may be true, and again, every one is entitled to their own opinion. But if I would've listened, my vision for my life would've slowly slipped a little farther away from me. If I would've listened to what everyone else thought how I should live my life, I wouldn't have woken up this morning, happier than I have been in the last couple of months, excited to log on and get really freaking creative with my team, remotely for now. Money will figure itself out, I am not too worried about that. My family, well, they will come around and eventually be excited about having somewhere to visit.
Life is scary. Big decisions are scary. Don't let the fear of everything falling to shit, keep you from doing what makes you happy, passionate and full of love. Above anything else, your own happiness is the only thing that matters, and no the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but I've officially seen both sides of this meadow.
