Every new year, we tell ourselves that this is going to be it. We make promises to be healthier, to stop drinking so much, to settle down or talk to God more often. We want to put the last year behind us and forget about the things that we didn't follow through with, didn't say or didn't do. We want to start fresh, and with a new year, maybe become a new person.
Some of us actually will take strides in the direction that we want to this year. Some will find the love of their life, get married and start a family. Some will move to a new state, establish a new life in a new city and become someone other than the person from college who liked to party. Some will go back to school, and follow the career path they always wanted to and stop making excuses. Some will start a work out routine, and make this year the year that they can be naked in full confidence.
The last year was a roller coaster of emotions for me. I started the year at rock bottom, and am about to end it a completely different person, and for that I am thankful. I was able to take a trip to Colorado, and allowed that experience to change me. I will be visiting Chicago this weekend, which is a place that I have always wanted to go. I have embraced adventure and never turned down a chance to make a memory. While there were so many great things that happened to me this year, there are a few things that I do regret doing or not doing. Some of you may be able to relate, others maybe not, but going into 2015, there are certain things that I want to change the way that I think and feel about.
Regret is the disappointment of something that has happened. It's probably the worst feeling ever, and usually I don't have regrets, but this year, I have one.
In 2015, my resolution is to change the way that I feel about you. It's something that not only haunts me but constantly makes me feel like a bad person day in and day out. I have thought that maybe I wasn't good enough, that maybe if I would've done more squats, or worn more lipstick, or drank that cocktail the 'perfect' way, that maybe you would change the way you had thought about me too. At the most confident time in my life though, you still make me feel like there is something wrong with me,because that is the only possible reason that the feelings I had for you were not reciprocated.
Don't feel sorry for me, I used this as an example to prove that there are just some things that you have to leave behind. That sometimes a new year and a fresh start is just a second, third or fourth chance at finding someone who will make you happy in the next 365 days or more.
What an exciting thought that is.
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