Wine about it

It's funny how some things never change, but at the same time, every thing changes. When I was in college, I would sit down at this same computer every night, sometimes with a box of Franzia at my side, and vent about the things that I could not change. I'd rant about some boy that swept me off my feet to only throw me under a bus a few weeks later. I'd write about my confusion of what a true friend was or wasn't. I'd talk about pointless stuff, that only a 20 something could relate to. Not only did people read it, they loved it. I never understood why, until I realized, it was because everything I wrote was nothing but honest.

Years later, I sit here, at the same computer, drinking a glass of Pinot Noir for dinner. It was either that or animal crackers. Since I travel for work now, it's pointless to stock up on food when I am only home a day then leave for five. Not that I need to explain myself or anything...but I don't always have wine for dinner, put those judging eyes away.

Isn't it funny how we look at our futures and expect so much? Really, why would we do that to ourselves? I know, our whole lives, people tell us to shoot for the stars, to not settle for anything less than butterflies, to not stop until your famous, blah blah blah. I have always had high expectations for my future, but then I started thinking.

What if I tossed aside my "to do list before I'm 30." What if I stopped looking at all of my friends who are getting married and or engaged and stopped secretly obsessing over how they found a guy to settle down with. Not only to settle down with, but to love and to cherish until death do them part. What if I stopped looking at the board in the gym and beating myself up over not hitting a new PR the past couple of months. What if I set aside all of the rules, all of the expectations, all of the questions about my own life and just lived every day, with no expectations but to live through another day happily.

I think that we are all way too hard on ourselves. I know I am. Hell, 25 years young, and I freak out when people ask me when I am going to get married. I usually answer with a laugh and some smart ass comment like, uh don't you have to date someone before that happens? But I have realized that this only makes the older, more wiser, person in the conversation awkward, and they stare at me like I am some inhumane beast. 

Everything has changed, but some things have stayed the same. We have all became more independent,  are more visually stimulated (thanks social media,) and if something isn't working as well as we thought it would, we start shopping for the next best thing. Relationships are as disposable as the razors we use, and some people would rather sit around and let things happen to them, than making them happen themselves. Aside from all of that though, we all have remained having faith. Whether it's you venting to a family member after a long day of work and saying that you know that tomorrow will get better. Maybe it was you talking to a friend over dinner/drinks and after congratulating them on their engagement you slide in, "when I get engaged you will be the first to know." Or maybe, it's you lying in bed next to your significant other... another day has passed with kids, soccer practice, dance rehearsal and report cards and you whisper, "I know we have a vacation coming soon."

Have faith. At the end of the day, it's the only thing that we do have. Throw away the time lines and remind yourself that things will pan out as they should. You'll get your vacation, a promotion, or hell, maybe even that diamond ring one day.

Every thing changes, but faith is indefinite. 

A Disclaimer To My Happiness

A question that I have gotten alot lately is 'how?' How are you so happy all of the time? How do you see the good in the bad? How do you get through the tough times with a smile on your face? My only answer is, how do you not? How do you not wake up every morning thinking that the next 24 hours ahead of you holds so much possibility. How do you not smile knowing that whatever tough thing you are going through right now, can't last forever.

Comparison is the thief of all joy. I know this because at one point in time, I used to compare my body, my strength, my relationship status, my career, hell even my hair to other people. People that really had no big significance in my life. Then one day, I realized that I was only inhibiting myself from becoming a better, stronger, happier person.

For those of you who do not know me, I dropped thousands of dollars into a journalism degree that two and a half years out of college I would come to find out that I hated. When I decided to quit my job as a reporter, I did so because it no longer made me happy. I woke up and with tears in my eyes knew that it wasn’t something I had a passion for anymore. I knew that if I stayed that it would be solely because society says, since I got a Bachelors Degree in Journalism, that it would only make sense.  The day that I put my happiness first, was the best day of my life thus far.

People have questioned my happiness, some have even questioned that if the smile and the positive vibes I send out every day are part of some big act or show that I put on for attention. I'm going to let you in on a little secret, when you remove the negativity from your life, whether it be a shitty job, a mentally or physically abusive relationship, or even just trash television, you will no longer have a reason to be negative.

I used to think that my happiness was determined on materialistic things or relationships. If that was the case now, and if I still thought that way, I'd probably be a pretty miserable person. I am a single 25 year old, who is in between jobs, with a love for writing and life. I have an expensive gym habit that I can barely afford, but I freelance and pick up little odd jobs so that I can continue to enjoy that time. I surround myself with good vibes, because I believe that even when life goes to shit, there is always a reason to smile.

So when someone told me that people thought I was fake and not genuine, it got me thinking. I smiled, took a deep breath, and obviously tried to understand their accusations. I wasn't mad, but so sad. Sad to think that instead of these people joining me, instead of them spreading love, they chose to spread hate, they chose the wrong tribe. 

You have the choice every day when you wake up as to who you want to be that day. Hell, I could wake up tomorrow morning, decide I want to be an astronaut, then work my ass off for the next 23 hours to make it happen. Or, I could just wake up and decide that today is going to be the best day of my life...and why wouldn't that bring a smile to your face?

I get it. Life is tough. Life is so freaking tough. There will be mean people, accidents, deaths, sicknesses, failed marriages, cheating, lies, and days that you run out of peanut butter when you really just want a tablespoon of it. There will be days where it rains, and your hair is a mess. Days that your socks don't match, you poke your eye with the mascara wand, or get fired from a job. There will be days that you're behind on bills, you gained two pounds, and your significant other falls out of love with you.

But you know what keeps me going?

There will ALWAYS be better days. You can't control the bad, but you can control how you survive it. The one thing in life that you have control in is your own happiness...isn't that such an amazing thing?

Sending Good Vibes to everyone going through something right now, it can only go up from here if you want it to. <3

Does A Player Ever Become A Bench Warmer?

You've been running up and down the court for about 30 minutes now. You are sweating, you need a drink of water, and instead of actually taking a seat on the bench, you keep going. Your attempts of actually blocking shots or resisting the urge to double dribble are amusing. You won't pass the ball, and at this point you aren't thinking of your team, but just your own success. You look at the shot clock, the time has stopped, you are in your own little world, and the once upon a time fan section that stood behind you, is no longer there. There are no other players on the court with you, matter of fact, you are the only one in the gym.

You run over to your play book, trying to figure out your next move, but without a teammate to collaborate with or an opponent to keep the ball from, what exactly are you still playing for? There was a time that the game was something that you enjoyed, but you played it in a way where your team won. You used to have fun, you used to take breaks, you used to sit it out on the bench, because we all know, a real player can also be a bench warmer. But you, you let the game get to your head. You were all about the sneaky, behind your back, 'in between your legs' plays, the ones where not even you knew what the hell you were actually doing. You started becoming the kind of player that not only your opponents despised, but your teammates did too.

As you get older, the game should become less competitive. It should form into simply just trying to come up with a play good enough to get the ball from your hands, into the hoop. As you get older, you should want to take a break, have a drink of water, sit on the bench every now and then. As you get older, you should no longer want to be defined as a player, but part of a team.

There comes a time in every 20 something year old's life that they have to make a decision, and that is to keep playing the game, or take a seat on the bench. The point comes at different times for everyone, and sadly, there are some who will never actually want to be part of a team, and will eventually find themselves on the court alone.

Enjoy the game, enjoy being the number one player and only thinking about your own success. Enjoy looking at your 'numbers' and stats, and soak in all of those self accomplishments. However, there comes a time when you have to take a seat, and if you don't want to hang up that jersey yet, spare the upset of those around you. Spare the feelings of those people who thought you were their teammate, only to find out you only cared about yourself. Spare the disappointment of those who actually believed in you, only to find out that you'd never change your ways of selfishly playing.


You see, life isn't all about winning, and eventually, most players realize that scoring isn't all that fun by themselves.

What Do You Choose?

Isn't it refreshing to stand on the finish line and look back toward where you started, and how far you've come. Maybe this past year was a walk in the park for you, maybe it was a 5K, or maybe you had a year full of ups and downs which left you breathless, like a triathlon. Regardless, you're here...you've made it. If you're reading this chances are you passed those finals that you thought were going to be the end of your life, survived your pain in the ass coworker who never shuts up, and rose above that boy or girl who just wouldn't let you live out your life without them.

You made it through the worst day ever, the I can't live without you, the shoot me now moments, and even pulled yourself out of bed that one day that you really just wanted to lay there because watching Big leave Carrie on Sex and the City was a lot more bearable than actually facing your real life horror romance story.

You made it through losing your job, gaining and then losing weight, losing friends, losing a lover. You made it through losing your self in the thought of someone else, losing your mind, losing your dignity.

Now you're standing here, at the finish line of another year, hands on your hips looking back on the path that you pretty much crawled on to get to the point you are at right now. How do you feel? Because at the finish line, you have two options, to start another race, or dwell on the one that you just finished.

Take one last look at the past year. Remember the things that made you hurt, so that they won't have the power to hurt you again. Remember the things that made you feel happy and free, so that you can enjoy those things on a regular basis. Remember the people who offered you water and gave you a slap on the ass when you didn't think you could go any further, when you didn't think you could finish the race that you started. Keep those people close to you, remember how they were there for you when it wasn't easy or convenient, remember how they made you feel, because those are the people you want by your side in your future races. Remember those who made you feel worthless, made you feel ugly, made you feel used. Remember the lover with all of their empty promises and realize that eventually their bed, life, and friendship circle will be empty too. Remember that you are better than anyone who doesn't think you have everything to offer.

Remember these things enough to keep you going, but forget them enough so that they don't affect you negatively in the upcoming year.

Every day you wake up with a choice. You choose who you are going to be day in and day out. Remember that you can't change someone who wakes up everyday choosing to be a bad person. You can only choose to be better and forgive them, and choose to rise above the mean things that are said. You choose who you want to be everyday, and I don't know about you, but I choose happiness. I choose success. I choose beauty. I choose to leave behind negativity and people who are so lost because they are looking too hard for an answer that isn't even there.

This next race, choose the walk in the park. After a triathlon, I believe you deserve it.
Happy 2015.

Leaving it in 2014

Every new year, we tell ourselves that this is going to be it. We make promises to be healthier, to stop drinking so much, to settle down or talk to God more often. We want to put the last year behind us and forget about the things that we didn't follow through with, didn't say or didn't do. We want to start fresh, and with a new year, maybe become a new person.


Some of us actually will take strides in the direction that we want to this year. Some will find the love of their life, get married and start a family. Some will move to a new state, establish a new life in a new city and become someone other than the person from college who liked to party. Some will go back to school, and follow the career path they always wanted to and stop making excuses. Some will start a work out routine, and make this year the year that they can be naked in full confidence.

The last year was a roller coaster of emotions for me. I started the year at rock bottom, and am about to end it a completely different person, and for that I am thankful. I was able to take a trip to Colorado, and allowed that experience to change me. I will be visiting Chicago this weekend, which is a place that I have always wanted to go. I have embraced adventure and never turned down a chance to make a memory. While there were so many great things that happened to me this year, there are a few things that I do regret doing or not doing. Some of you may be able to relate, others maybe not, but going into 2015, there are certain things that I want to change the way that I think and feel about.

Regret is the disappointment of something that has happened. It's probably the worst feeling ever, and usually I don't have regrets, but this year, I have one.

In 2015, my resolution is to change the way that I feel about you. It's something that not only haunts me but constantly makes me feel like a bad person day in and day out. I have thought that maybe I wasn't good enough, that maybe if I would've done more squats, or worn more lipstick, or drank that cocktail the 'perfect' way, that maybe you would change the way you had thought about me too. At the most confident time in my life though, you still make me feel like there is something wrong with me,because that is the only possible reason that the feelings I had for you were not reciprocated.

Don't feel sorry for me, I used this as an example to prove that there are just some things that you have to leave behind. That sometimes a new year and a fresh start is just a second, third or fourth chance at finding someone who will make you happy in the next 365 days or more.

What an exciting thought that is.

12 Days of Christmas

Let's face it, there are some who have it, some who wish they did, and some who just aren't ready for it. Wherever you fall, Christmas can be a really annoying time if you aren't one of the people who have someone to show off to your extended family or kiss under the mistletoe.

So, I have decided to change up a Christmas song a little bit. First off, who in their right mind would want 10 lord a leaping or 11 pipers piping? I'll take the 5 golden rings though true love, you da best.


Almost at the mid-twenty mark (wah, wah, wah) I have decided to make my 12 days of Christmas about my friends, because they bring so much happiness to my life. Not a certain one, but all of them. Because I'm thankful for each one of them this Christmas. They may hate me for this, they may find it funny, either way...enjoy, and make sure you sing it or it probably wont make sense :)

On the first day of Christmas, Jen Dawn gave to me:
A baby in her belly.

On the second day of Christmas, Darnell gave to me:
Two 'Two Buck Chucks'

On the third day of Christmas, Haley gave to me:
Three years of laughing

On the fourth day of Christmas, Logan gave to me:
Four phone calls a day

 On the fifth day of Christmas, Walker gave to me:
Five apologies

On the sixth day of Christmas, Whitney gave to me:
Six nights of dancing

On the seventh day of Christmas, Natasha gave to me:
Seven shots for shooting

On the 8th day of Christmas, BMitch gave to me:
Eight Buckeyes Losing

On the 9th day of Christmas, Therese gave to me:
9 towering towers 

On the 10th day of Christmas, Taren gave to me:
10 reps of lifting

On the 11th day of Christmas, Dana gave to me:
11 could you nots?

On the 12th day of Christmas, Diana gave to me:
12 hours of driving


On the twelve days of Christmas my friends gave to me:
12 hours of driving
11 could you nots?
10 reps of lifting
9 towering towers
8 buckeyes losing
7 shots for shooting
6 nights of dancing
5 apologies
4 phone calls a day
3 years of laughing
2 'two buck chucks'
and a baby in jen's belly.


Damn, that was fun.
Merry (almost)  Christmas, ya filthy animals.

Why Settle For A Player When You Can Find The Perfect Teammmate?

I think that life is all about finding your teammate, the perfect person to motivate and slap you on the ass when you accomplish something. A recent conversation with my best guy friend got me thinking about the different kinds of relationships there are now a days. As my best friend, he knows me better than anyone probably, so I asked him a simple question. How have I met all of these guys who are attracted to me, have fun with me, love to be around me, but at the end of the day, don't want to 'be with me?' It took him a while to respond, trying to find the perfect words, to tell me the truth, but not piss me off. His reply was this:

"Well, I couldn't date you just because I know how I am, I'd end up hurting you, you'd hate me, and then we would no longer be friends. As for all of the other guys you've hung out, you might make it too easy."

This was his answer because come to find out, he really just has no idea, typical man. But the fact that he said easy, sparked my interest. I don't sleep around, so I was confused to why someone who knew that, would say that was the reason. But he meant it in an entirely different way. When I like someone, they usually know. I don't hold back my feelings, dodge phone calls, or wait hours to text back. I don't play the games that these men want to play, because honestly, I don't have time to. Between working and bettering myself, the last thing I want to do is worry about how long I should wait to call you, or if I should even call you at all.

I have always believed that if you are going to be in a relationship with someone, it should be easy. There should be no second guessing, no insecurities, just a good time between two people who are ready to kick ass together. I don't need someone to 'save' me, I am doing pretty well by myself, so if I am to get into a relationship with someone, I want it to be with a person who motivates me, and makes me better every day, not vise versa.

It makes me cringe to see couples who are miserable but stay together because they've dated for years so they feel like they are stuck. Or a girl who clings to the guy who constantly cheats on her because "she loves him too much to let go." Or the boy who stays with the girl who talks to a million other guys, because "she is just going through a phase." If things do not work out, that just means they weren't fit for your team, and that is okay. I used to be the girl who stayed with a guy who clearly hated me, and not only were we a shitty team, we had no team at all, which constantly had us losing at life every day.

Between the day that you are born and the day that you die, you will meet so many people who will  try out for your team. If you are honest and straight forward with them, let them know exactly what you are looking for, things will be easy, and you all will both be on the same page in every aspect of life. However, there will be some who try out, make the cut, but you end up having to let go because they turn out to not be the teammate you were looking for, just a really good player. Don't settle for the player, because somewhere out there is the perfect teammate.