Why Relationships Should Be As Easy As Friendships

I think dating is frustrating. I think getting to know someone, actually starting to care about them then months later finding out they just aren't into you is a vicious cycle and an emotional roller coaster. I wish defining someone as your significant other could be as easy as defining someone as your best friend, it just works.

My gal pals and I always joke around about how easy it was for us to fall in love with each other. Friendships are so easy to come by, they usually start with cocktails, and after discussing similarities and differences, you decide that the person you just met might actually be your new best friend. However, in my experience, when trying to find someone who I could actually see myself with, there is far more confusion than just going with the flow.


You can blow up your friends phone at all hours of the day and night and they know you are crazy, but love you that much more for it. If you even tried to double text the person you're interested in or even cross that line of actually calling them on the phone, you are a stage 5 clinger and they don't want to talk to you anymore.

With my friends, we can go out to dinner or drinks and have a constant flow of conversation. No awkward moments, and you don't even think twice about ordering that burger that you have been craving for weeks. The last time I went out to drinks with a datable prospect, I constantly questioned if what I was saying was the right thing. Also, when I get nervous I talk at 100 mph and my face gets red, and I sweat...and because of that, it's awkward.

People always say that the person you'll be with should be 'your best friend,' and I never understood it until I looked at the situation from this stand point.

With our friends we don't try to be something we aren't. We are who we are, and they love us anyway. With people we are trying to impress, we almost have to go through a series of job interviews and awkward moments just to finally get to a point where they kind of like us enough to stick around. Then you tell yourself you won't tell them about your annoying habit of asking too many questions and your obsession with New Girl until they are hooked, then you'll release the demons.

Wouldn't it be easier if we could just be in relationships like we are in friendships. I know my friends would do absolutely anything for me, and I know that they didn't think about leaving me because of that one time I got too drunk at the bar, or that other time that they had to hold my hair back while I hung shamelessly over a toilet. My friends embrace my flaws, and I embrace theirs, if we were perfect, what would we have to laugh at on any given day of the week? Friends are always there, through the good, the bad, the ugly and the inconvenient. Woudn't it be reassuring that your significant other would be too?

I'm sure a lot of you are going to think "Bonnie, this exists. Love exists. You'll find it one day. Be patient." I've heard it people, and I don't think I'll be single forever. However, I do think that there has to be an easier way to find someone that I am completely compatible with and somehow avoid all of the awkward moments, games, and insecurity/ trust issues that come with it.

An Open Letter About An 'Almost' Relationship

Writers Note: Don't read too far into my feelings, if you don't want to know what my feelings are. Believe it or not, this has nothing to do with me, I'm writing it for a friend. However, to say that I don't know what she is going through would be a lie, we have all been in an 'almost' relationship.


I remember when I first met you. From a distance, your baby blues caught my attention and I was hooked. I nudged my best friend next to me, nodded your way, and she gave me the go ahead and a confidence boost to come and talk to you. After that first conversation, after you told me about your family, your all too perfect job, your favorite hobbies and biggest pet peeves, I realized that you, this stranger at first, was everything that I hadn't been looking for. Your smile lit up a room and your laugh was addicting. You laughed at my jokes, whether you even really thought they were funny, I guess we will never know.

I go back to the night that I finally invited you into my apartment. It was several weeks later, after I had assured myself that you weren't like every other guy. I told myself that if you wanted to hurt me, you would have already. I am the kind of girl who doesn't let people in easily, not into my apartment, or into my heart. But you. You had something about you that led me to believe that you were "it." I dreamt about the day that I would introduce you to my dad, and smile at the thought of my brother actually liking  someone that I have dated. But 'dating' is such a weird word for our generation. It's almost like taboo. After several months of hanging out, and keeping eachother's secrets, one would think that we were what you would call, exclusive.

I remember lying in my bed, your back facing me, watching the snow fall outside my window. Not only was it cold outside, but it was even colder in my bed. The holiday season was coming up, and I thought, that this would be the perfect opportunity to introduce you to my family. The night before we were having dinner (drinks) I brought up something, that I quickly found out, I shouldn't have. The person sitting across from me, who I had shared so many moments with in the past several months, turned into a very, cold, human being. Someone that I have literally nightmared about since the last one wrecked havoc on my life. You had a blank expression on your face and said, "Oh, you think we are in a relationship?"

The thing is, I have zero expectations anymore. I am more surprised when a guy is nice to me, than when he isn't. But what I don't understand is why would you spend so much of your time with me, laugh with me, talk about the future with me, but...not really want to "be" with me. Would it be so bad to spend the next 6 months, how we have spent the last?

After our disagreement, you still chose to come over, and I still chose to give into you. I knew that things weren't going to be the same after that night, not because I didn't want them to be, but because I wasn't going to sit around and be some emotional filler for you. We are old enough to know what we want, or don't want, so it's easy for me to walk away from this situation, because I told myself that I would never let someone make me feel like I wasn't important, like I wasn't beautiful.

If I had my choice, I would choose you. If I had my choice, I would choose to spend the time that you aren't traveling in your arms. If I had the choice, I would do my best to be the girl that you could actually see yourself 'dating.' But instead, I don't really have a choice in the matter, since you are "too invested in your career" right now to discuss the situation at hand...and that is okay.

I'll be alright, I'll have wine with the girls, talk about how much I hate you even though I know that I really don't. I'll erase you from my life and move on, and hope that every now and then you'll think of my smile, or the way that I used to make you laugh when I'd dance around like a fool. I'm not an easy person to forget, and I know that. But I hope that whatever reason you had to not commit to me, to not be faithful to me...I hope that it was a damn good one.

...Or it's gonna go down in flames

Earlier today a friend called me at work asking for advice on her current dating situation. All too often, my friends turn to me for an encouraging word when it comes to love, but to be honest, I don't really have anything positive to say about a piece of shit who can't take a minute to text back someone who he's spent a great deal of his time with over the past few months. She had asked the guy a very brave question that has to be asked eventually , "are you my boyfriend?" After spending every day for four months together, you would think he would be able to give her a straight forward answer, instead...he ignored her.

The following are a few things, real life things, that were said by the scorned, confused, upset girl on the other side of the phone. Her and I did come to one conclusion though, and that was, that dating shouldn't be this damn hard. All of us have been there, and I am sure most of you all have had a conversation similar to this one.

"Don't read into my feelings if you don't want to know what my feelings are."
 In the dating world today, you spend time with someone, have drinks, watch your favorite shows, make out, hook up and without even realizing, you get to know them. However, when you start to think maybe, just maybe, things could possibly work out, someone bails. Someone freaks out at the thought of having feelings, and begins to over think everything. Oh, you made dinner tonight? Are you trying to marry me?

"I like him, I want to hang out with him, how the hell is that too much to ask?"
If you can spend hours with someone and not get annoyed or tired of talking or sleeping with them, why should we put any more thought into spending more time with them? Why do we self sabotage ourselves?


"I feel like he is either afraid that he is going to get hurt, or I am going to get hurt..but wtf."
If this is the case, he's a wimp. Life is all about falling in love with people, opportunities, places, things...there are no promises that any of these things wont hurt you, but it's all about making mistakes and learning from them.

"I think it would hurt and it would suck if we broke up, but it sure as hell would be fun while it lasted."
Way too many people think about the future instead of how they are feeling right then, in that moment. If it makes you happy now, go for it...because right now in this moment, you have nothing to lose.

"If you're going to just cut it off, then why start dating me in the first place, you idiot."
Good question.


"I think he thinks I want long term things, but you know what SIR, if you would've asked me about it you would know my preferences."
I'll never understand why women have to be so scared to actually admit that they want to be with someone, this world we live in right now sucks. If you like someone, and they obviously like you, then HOW can this be so hard. Some people spend their whole lives looking for someone that they can just get along with.

"I am adorable and I deserve some damn respect!"
She is adorable, in case you are wondering, and she is right. You can be the whole package, but if a man is scared of committing or not ready, you can't force him...


"I hope he knows that he's missing out on the worlds best...everything."
Oh I'm sure he knows, and if he doesn't now, he will later.

After a thirty minute phone call of trying to analyze and figure out what the hell is wrong with this man who won't take a few minutes out of his day to talk about his relationship status with a woman that he has openly and publicly been into for months. It sucks that we live in a time that commitment with one other person is a rare thing. It sucks that we spend more time trying to figure out what the opposite sex is thinking by looking at their social media accounts, than actually talking to them. It sucks that we can't just hang out and have fun with someone without things getting awkward when months down the road, you want to know how you should introduce him to your friends.

1990

If you know me at all, you know that I am a huge fan of Taylor Swift. My friends really aren't surprised anymore when they walk into my apartment and I'm jamming to Shake it Off and performing my own mini concert. Her latest album, 1989, is about how far she has come since she was born and what she has learned in the years leading up to the strong, independent woman that she has become in her twenties.

During your lifetime there will be experiences, adventures, and people  who form you into the person that you end up becoming. I'm sure that on February 26, 1990, when my brother and I were born only weighing 2 and 3 pounds, my mom had no idea what our futures held. I'm sure she had dreams of us becoming famous (I promise mom, it will happen sooner or later) and even bigger dreams of us being healthy, loving adults. As one of four, I can honestly say my parents have done something right, and not trying to be biased, but we all pretty much kick ass.

Taylor Swift was given a talent in which she could affect people in a positive way, through music. I was given the gift to do the same thing, but through writing. (Sometimes I like to believe that I am just as cool as her, just go with it.)




Growing up we all obviously have huge plans for ourselves. What kind of people would we be if we sat around and thought, "when I grow up I want to be homeless, unsuccessful, unloved, and poor." We all have dreams, big or small, and that is one of the reasons why I love meeting new people. With my job, I am able to interact with a wide variety of people. Some are as old as 95, others are as young as 3. What amazes me most is to sit down and talk to them, both so different in age, and to hear their thoughts about life, love, and happiness.

Last week I interviewed a 95 year old World War II veteran. While he didn't remember much because, "hell, there's 90 years of stuff in this head of mine," he did remember those events that made a huge impact on his life. His wedding day, where and when his two sons were born, what it felt like when he was hiding in a fox hole during the Battle of the Bulge, and the day that he retired with honors from the military. While I am sure that his life was full of other moments, those were the only things that he could remember with detail, and he told me it was because those were the times that he felt some type of extreme emotion.

This past summer when I would sit down with my niece Sarah, she would tell me all about her day, and at dinner time, she would usually tell me what her favorite part of the day was. If I was to ask her for any detail from the day before though, she would usually say, "Now Jo Jo, that was yesterday, I don't remember!" with her hands on her hip. However, you will catch her talking about last summer at my parents cabin, and all of the memories she made with family. She remembers burying a treasure box with Tomi Jean, hiking with Grandaddy, laughing with GiGi, and being thrown around by 'the strongest man ever,' Dexter. She remembers us fishing together, and her catching a way bigger fish than me. She remembers these things because those are the times that so far in her young life, that she has been the happiest and have felt the most love.

What I am getting at is, as we get older and go through life, there will be times that we remember when we are 95, and times that will slowly fade away. No matter what age though, I think that those times spent with the people that you love most, will be the ones that out shine any other memory that you make. Be smart when you choose who to give your heart and time to. Love your family, love yourself, and love someone who loves both of those things just as much as you do. Years down the road when you are looking back at your life, you will want to remember the good times, the times that made your heart skip a couple of beats, and make you take a step back and think how lucky you have been to live such a life full of love and happiness.


Also, just for a little comic relief and the fact that I just realized not too long ago that due to the way I was positioned in this picture, the door says dinomite ass. Throwing it back to 1995, when I was just a little girl with all kinds of crazy dreams, not much has changed, except for I wish I still had that shirt.

Four Things That We ALL Need To Stop Doing

I know I am not alone when I say that there are things in my every day life that I don't even understand why I have kept around as long as I have. I don't think that being 24 is old, but I do think that it is an age that you can start deciding to remove unwanted bull shit if it's not an asset to your life. Recently, I have found myself thinking about removing things that just exist in my life for no real purpose. This got me thinking about different things that I have kept close to me, which has lead to self sabotage. If you're with me on this, maybe we should all do a self cleanse.

Shitty 'Friends'
We all have them, hopefully you only have/had one. Shitty friends are the worst, and really hard to let go of. They are the people that take and take and take from you, but really give you nothing in return. It's not like they really add anything to your life, but you want them there, and the fact that they could care less to have you in theirs, makes it that much harder to understand. For however long that you let it go on, you pour your energy into these friendships hoping that one day, they'll realize how good of a friend you are to them. Spoiler alert, the thing that is so shitty about these friends, is that they are so self involved, that they don't even realize when there is something good in front of them. Unlike you, they don't find the people that they surround themselves with indispensable...they go through life, considering those people who put up with their shit, their friends. I used to think that friendships were all about quantity. That by the number of people that I had with me at all times somehow deemed me to be a better person. Quality, not quantity, has become very important to me in my friendship circle. While maybe at the end of the day I only have a handful of people I actually trust or care about, I know that those people would go just as far as I would for them, to have me in their life. That's important.

Cheap Alcohol
As I get older, it doesn't matter if I drink a little or a lot, if it is cheap and I put even a dab of it into my body, I will be hanging over a toilet for the next 24 hours. Cheap alcohol was okay in college when you were drinking every night and it's really all you could afford. However, you're an adult now, so if you walk into the company Christmas party with a case of Natti Light and Burnettes vodka, your coworkers will probably wonder why you haven't left your 21 year old self behind. Also, there is such a wonderful world out there of craft beers and distilled bourbon, there is no reason you should be limiting yourself that way. Thank me later.

Not enough time
I am guilty of this, but I am definitely working on it. To say that you don't have enough time to do something, is just an excuse because you really don't want to do it. I used to be the person who said she didn't have time to go to the gym, now I wake up at 5 a.m. An important thing that we should always make time for, and I am working on this myself, is time with family. Realize that if you are getting older, so are your parents, and grandparents, and that spending as much time with them as you possibly can is important, because one day you will wish that you did. It may be hard to actually drive to see them everyday, but atleast give them a phone call, I know that calling my parents 5 times a day annoys the hell out of them, but secretly they love it...and if they don't well, sorry Mom and Dad. :)

Settling for less than butterflies and all that romance stuff
WHY. I don't think I'll ever understand people who get into relationships because they are "bored." First off, when I am bored I go for a run, read a book, watch a movie...not just lead someone on because hey, it seems like a fun thing to do at the time. WHAT. So many of my friends tell me, "I mean I'm not really into them now, but I'm sure once we are together for a few months it'll grow on me." This is when I look at them blankly and think what the actual hell. I am all for love stories. You wouldn't know it but I secretly obsess over romance novels and movies. I can't get enough of the whole love at first sight, i'll do anything for you type thing. I think it's so magical, and I know that it exists. So, what I don't understand is why people believe that they aren't good enough for that. Because settling for someone that isn't everything you have ever dreamed of, well you are pretty much telling yourself, "hey sorry self, you can't meet your own expectations, you literally suck, have fun being miserable."

Let's all take a step back and look at our lives. Are their people or things consuming your every negative thought? Let it go. It sounds cliche, but life is way too short for all the extra bull shit. We are all trying to make it in this crazy world, trying to survive, and make ourselves better people. How are we supposed to do any of that if we keep allowing ourselves to not take on every day at our full potential?

Mr. Right Now

Writers note: I wrote this after drinking a bottle of Sutter Home White Zinfandel, if there are any grammatical errors or anything that offends you, I truly apologize.

There is always someone who gives you 'butterflies.' Whether it was the man in front of you at Starbucks this morning, the guy you met on Tinder yesterday, or maybe a boyfriend you've had for several months now. As humans, we are all set out for three things, happiness, romance and fun. 

Just a few months shy of 25, I will be the first to share that I have had my fair share of "Mr. Right Now's." As I have gotten older I have realized that my age has coorelated the men/boys that I have chosen over the years, and looking back, I don't regret a single one.

Sometimes, I feel so thankful to have met my first, second and third love all between the ages of 17 and 23. Because of this, by the age of 24, I have become more aware of what I want in the man that I intend to marry. Marriage, woof. That word literally makes me want to puke right now, not because I'm not ready, but because so many of my friends are.

At 17, he was the guy I stood on the sideline and cheered for at football games. The guy I sat next to in the church pew on Sunday mornings, spent almost everyday with his family, and got to really know him, without the interference of alcohol or social media. At 17, I experienced a lot of firsts, but that was what he was put in my life for. To show me that if a boy can love as much as he did, a man is bound to love a little more.

At 21, I met the right guy at the wrong time. Loved him, loved his family, loved his dogs, loved his truck...at 21, what else did you really need to love? He took me out on romantic dates to look at stars in the back of his truck, wanted to show me off to all of his friends, and every time he saw me, his face would light up. He once told me after I kissed him goodnight, that "he knew I was the one because before I left him at night, I'd hug him like I would never see him again." As all Mr. Right Now's do, he decided to live out his dream with someone else.

At 23, I fell in love with a guy under neon lights, and after way too many fireball shots and him telling me that I was pretty, I had found my new Mr. Right Now. This guy, is what you would call my college sweetheart. He literally made life more fun, but at the same time, we were so toxic for each other, it made all of our friends hate us. I loved him for all of the wrong reasons, as he did the same. Mr. Right Now's tend to do that.

I am fortunate enough to know the difference between the two. Between the guy I want to take home to meet my family, and the guy I want to take home to meet my roommate, who literally loves everyone. 

After being single for 2 years, I have started to realize how important it is to not settle. So many of us find someone who pacifies our time, maybe makes us laugh, or gets us off every now and then, but what about the long run? What about the guy who will look at you, even on your sickest days, and be ready to stand by your side. 

I see so many of my friends in relationships that, 5 times out of 10, they don't really want to be in. (Side note: I do have some friends who really are happily in love.) But what I am getting at, is that it really shouldn't be that complicated. Whether they are your Mr. Right Now, Mr. Four Months or Mr. Forever.